Once my binge eating disorder reached its mature, full-fledged form about two months after its onset, I rapidly fell into a downward spiral. This is what happened.
- The weight gain was fast and furious. I gained 20 lbs. within the first three months and shot up three dress sizes.
- I became a walking advertisement for baggy sweats. What else would fit around a severely bloated belly?
- My self-confidence plummeted. I felt fat, ugly, worthless, helpless, and like a total failure. I constantly put myself down.
- My personal relationships suffered. Negativity fed off negativity.
- I avoided people. I would make up excuses (“sorry, I’ve already got plans later”) so I could binge after class. I would hide from my peers during the day and in my room on weekends so I could binge in private. My life became very lonely.
- My performance deteriorated. It became impossible to pay attention during lectures when I wanted to binge. It also became impossible to study, read, or write papers after a binge since the physical and emotional effects were so debilitating.
- I had no energy. You’d think I’d be ready to run a marathon with 6,000 calories in me! Nope. The only thing I was ready for was an early grave.
- I lost control of my life. I was terribly depressed, falling behind in law school, and distancing myself from my boyfriend, friends, and family. I just wanted to give up. I didn’t exactly know what “giving up” entailed, but I knew I couldn’t handle my life any longer.
Do any of these resonate with you? Which for you is or was the worst?